Touch

After what seemed like forever, I have finally finally dragged myself to a massage place to break those nodules and release the long brewing stress. I swear, the first few touches of the masseuse felt like heaven. It gave me chills I never wanted to end. Plus, I was there for more than an hour! That was one long relaxing massage. I couldn't believe I waited for a break from work before I finally gave in to what I was craving for since work started piling up.

I just literally felt all the stress leaving my body, stress from work, from the love life, from the commencing social life. 

Sana this signifies the beginning of a relaxing break. So that I can find meaning in the season.

As we all should.

Rested souls

The day is done. At least for now. It's time to rest my mind and body to recharge for an even more hectic day ahead. Nothing productive will come out now. I have pushed my limits for the day. Tomorrow, I will finish the work that should already have been finished. I can't breathe words anymore, at least not this time of the night. So, I gotta sleep. Rest my soul and be in a land where no boss can dictate the pace of my life, where no rules are in existence other than my own.

I have to finish my memorandum, but I gotta clear my memory off of it first.

So I rest for the night. Good night, world. And see you again tomorrow.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps

Because I updated my blog today, I got curious how far I've come since I started blogging. This particular site has been with me since 2007, but I have been blogging in blogspot since March, 2004. Man, that's almost 6 years ago. I'm getting old.

And none the wiser.

I see I've been having the same dilemma about love every time I'm single. I experience the same thrills during my weekly night outs. I don't dread recitations in law school anymore, but I do still complain about work and the necessary hazards thereof.

It makes me wonder, do people really change? Or do they just revert to the same old routine when faced with the same old problems? We could be stronger, perhaps, but does the repetition of life's challenges somehow make us settle back to the same old persons that we were when we dealt with them in the past?

Yes, I am indeed the same man. A lot of years older but still the same person at the very core.

And I wonder if that's any good.

Hmm...

Rides

You know that feeling when someone you used to know really well just all of a sudden seems like a stranger? The eyes that you so lovingly looked at for nights on end suddenly become unrecognizable? The smile that warmed your heart every time lost its flame, and in its stead appears no more than lips curled up on a stranger's face?

Suddenly, the face that you have lovingly memorized becomes a face that you cannot place in your memory. Non-recognition replaces recognition, strangeness edges familiarity. And the person that you used to love

disappears.

And then you realize, you are leaving that person behind. And the future will serve only to further blur your memory of that person. Until in time, the person completely fades away--even in your memory. 

At that time, all that will be left are glimpses. Of your lives together, of the time you spent together. But nothing more. That person will cease to be a part of your consciousness.

And indifference replaces love.

Where you will come full circle.

You begin again where you started. Wiser and older, yes, but still where you began ages ago. 

Only this time, it's another person. And it's another you.

Welcome back to the roller coaster ride, everyone. 

Work

I am beginning to hate my work. :(

Sya

Ang tagal na ng college. Ang tagal na rin nung simula kong isipin kung darating ba yung panahon na bibilangin ko sa aking mga daliri ang mga naging ex ko. Si K, si C, si M, at ang pinakahuli, si M. Hmm, apat na. At ngayon, papunta na ako sa ika-lima. Nakatatakot. Ilan pa kaya ang bibilangin ko bago ako tumigil? Ilan pa kaya ang mamahalin ko bago ako lumagay sa tahimik?

Ilang beses na kami nag-usap ng mga kaibigan ko, handa na ba kaming makita "sya" at bumuo ng kani-kaniyang pamilya. Merong nakatagpo na, kasal na lang ang hinihintay. Meron din namang walang balak pa at ni hindi pa makita ang kanyang sarili na titigil sa mga ginagawa nya para magpatali na. At syempre, meron din namang katulad ko, na matapos ang isang malaking buntunghininga ay nagsabi na, "Oo, handa na ako. At hinahanap ko sya." 

Gulat sila.

Nagulat din ako na nagulat sila. Alam naman nilang lahat na sa lahat ng mga naging ka-relasyon ko, pang-matagalan ang iniisip ko. Hindi ako naglalaro. Ni hindi tumitingin sa iba. Binubuo ko ang aking mundo para tumugma sa kanya, para sa ganun, makabuo kami ng iisang mundo na ihaharap sa iba pa.

Kaya naman, tulad ng maraming ka-edad namin. Alam kong handa na ako.

Hinihintay ko na lamang sya.

Sana, dumating na.

For the very last time

YOU'VE MADE ME STRONGER

Is it hard to believe I'm okay

After all, it's been a while since you walked away

I'm way past crying over your finding someone new

You turned my days into bright

But now I see the light

And this may be a big surprise to you

REFRAIN:

(But/'Cause) you've made me stronger by breaking my heart

You ended my life and made a better one start

You've taught me everything from fallin' in love

To letting go of a lie

Yes, you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye

If you'd rather believe I'm not over you

Go ahead-there's nothing wrong with making believe

I know 'cause I used to pretend you'd come back to me

But time has been such a friend

Brought me to my senses again

And I have you to thank for setting me free

(Repeat Refrain)

Think again

Don't feel so sorry for me, my friend

Oh, don't you know

I'm not the one at the losing end.

(Repeat Refrain twice moving into higher notes 'till fade)

You made me stronger by saying

Goodbye…

Finally, I can truly say thank you for saying goodbye. Now, it's my turn. And for the very last time, 

Goodbye, M.

Kay Bob Ong

Sabi ni Bob Ong, 

"Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

Ibinahagi ko ito sa Facebook at hindi kalaunan ay tumugon ang isa sa aking mga kaibigan.

Mula kay Mos:

Teka, parang mali pala si Bob Ong, hindi naman pala buong mundo ang kailangang ikutin (360 degrees) kundi kalahati lang ng mundo (180 degrees). Kasi kung buong mundo ang inikot mo, hinanap mo siya para talikuran lang ulit. Mas masakit yun.

Pero ang pinakamasakit siguro ay yaong magkaharap kayo, pero alam mo naman na wala kayo sa puso ng isa't isa.O kaya naman ay nasa puso mo siya, pero wala ka sa kanya.

Sa ganoong pagkakataon, pagbigyan ang sariling umiyak at magdalamhati. Ibuhos mo lahat. Kapag umiiyak ka pa din pero wala nang luha ang pumapatak mula sa iyong mga mata, aba tama na. Oras na para patawarin mo siya at ang iyong sarili. Tapos, hayaan mo na. Hindi naman katapusan ng "buong mundo" kapag tinalikuran ka ng isang tao. Ang totoo nyan, nagpapatuloy lamang ang pagikot ng mundo kung saan maari kang makatagpo ng karapat-dapat.

Mula sa akin:

Huwag kang mag-alala, hindi ko hahayaang umikot na lamang ang mundo nang hindi ko namamalayan. Hindi ako tatayo na lamang upang pagmasdan ang pag-ikot ng aking kapaligiran. Lalakad ako, Mos. Tulad ng dati, magpapatuloy ako sa aking paglalakbay. Hahakbang muli at sasabay sa pag-inog ng mundo ang aking mundo. At sa huli, bibitbitin at aalalahanin ko lamang ang mga tao at alaalang magtutulak sa akin sa aking paglalakbay. Ang lahat ng iba pa'y iiwanan at mananatiling bahagi lamang ng aking nakaraan. 

Masaya ako at kabahagi ka ng aking kasalukuyan. Walang duda, isa ka sa mga taong aking aakbayan sa pagpapatuloy ko sa aking bawat paghakbang. 

Salamat.

---

Ikaw, sinu-sino ang mga kasama mo sa iyong paglalakbay?

And I'm finally letting go. Thanks, M. :-)

I miss you.